I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
