Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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