i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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