Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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