you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
