I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
