I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
