I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
