i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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