Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
