I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
