You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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