I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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