I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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