I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sober January is a disaster.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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