cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Someone signed my nipple.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
