Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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