Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
