he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize