A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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