She is in my trunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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