you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This toilet bowl is my home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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