I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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