Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
