Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
