eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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