I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
