Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
