I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I AM VODKA MAN
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
