so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize