Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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