Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
