Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
