Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You work out of a Hotel?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
