Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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