was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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