I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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