Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
