An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
