We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
