a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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