wat bout pragnant strippers??
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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