I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
