its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
