found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
