Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
