ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
MIDGETS
????
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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