Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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