We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
