Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
