It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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