did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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