whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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