Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize