next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
