Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
