I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize