I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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