I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
