my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize