Who wears a wallet chain?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
