Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
