Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
