i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
