I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
