I heard we made out
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
