hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize