but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drake has all the answers
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
