I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
