Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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