Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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