I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize