She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to sanitize my soul.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
