a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize