Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
