Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
