I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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