New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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