explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Panties = found
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
