Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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