dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
