alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
