Cold hands, warm shart.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
