So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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