I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
