Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
