# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
