Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
