this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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