He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
