and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize