i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
