I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
