that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
