my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
