i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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