I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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