...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
