He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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