i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
