Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize