My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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