My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
