i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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