if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
