This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize