woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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